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the task at hand
Apr. 24th, 2011 01:37 amI had a flood of realization tonight while sitting on the balcony with Michael. Throughout this pregnancy, the idea of producing an actual child has been mostly an abstract concept. Yes, my belly is getting bigger. Yes, I can feel something moving. But the thought that a baby's in there, and he's real, and has little hands and feet and a face, is mind-blowing. Every time I sit and really try to imagine his birth, I get tears in my eyes. I know I will cry the day I actually get to meet him.
The weight of the task at hand is monumental. I have no idea what labor will be like. In my life, I've had horrid achy menstrual pains. I've had gut-wrenching gastric pains. I've had some sort of writhing around on the floor, am I about to die?, maybe my gut has twisted, abdominal pains. Will labor be like any of those? Some women tell horror stories. Others seem to have found it manageable. I don't know what it will be like for me, or how I will handle it. Some days, I get aches and pulls and stabs, and feel so weary, like I won't be able to deal with anything much more than these minor discomforts.
I plan on having a completely natural, drug-free birth, so the expectation of pain is actual. But I also fear being coerced into pain relief, or some other more serious intervention, while in a vulnerable state. I've been ready for a fight for so long, I hope I can maintain it for when it actually counts.
The weight of the task at hand is monumental. I have no idea what labor will be like. In my life, I've had horrid achy menstrual pains. I've had gut-wrenching gastric pains. I've had some sort of writhing around on the floor, am I about to die?, maybe my gut has twisted, abdominal pains. Will labor be like any of those? Some women tell horror stories. Others seem to have found it manageable. I don't know what it will be like for me, or how I will handle it. Some days, I get aches and pulls and stabs, and feel so weary, like I won't be able to deal with anything much more than these minor discomforts.
I plan on having a completely natural, drug-free birth, so the expectation of pain is actual. But I also fear being coerced into pain relief, or some other more serious intervention, while in a vulnerable state. I've been ready for a fight for so long, I hope I can maintain it for when it actually counts.
