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Everyone here is napping now except for me. Michael & the cats. I'm sitting up with heartburn, reading blogs. We went to breakfast earlier with my dad and Judy and Judy's family. I'm hungry again, but not sure what there is to eat here.

Feeling sluggish after last night. I was way too grumpy. Michael's still grumpy.

Would like to go for a walk later, maybe, if my feet and Michael are up for it.
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MGMT would have been wonderful had it not been for the crowd. (For the record, I'd like to state that I was not anticipating a rowdy time. I can't recall last year's Sunfest being rowdy, and I don't consider MGMT to be a rowdy band. Had I known what it would be like, I wouldn't have gone.)

mgmt1


Oh sure, they may look like your run-of-the-mill batch of concert goers, but I assure you they were not. Or it's just been too long since I've been to a concert. Or all concerts are like that when you're totally sober. Or I'm crotchety now that I'm gonna be a mama.

You'd think for the amount of weed that was floating around, everyone would be mellow, groovin' to the music. Instead it was all ADD, people having lengthy yelling conversations with each other, not paying attention to the music at all. The foot stomping was literal. I got shoved more than a few times.

mgmt2


We had to move away from where we were standing eventually, and went over to stand by the drink cart. The madness followed. Now that my mass has expanded, I'm like a planet with my own gravitational pull. All the douchiness was being drawn into my orbit. A group of drunk, underage kids started flailing about violently, and giggling girls hoisted on shoulders threatened to topple down on us, so we had to move again.

mgmt3


We moved three times, and by the last time, the concert was pretty much over. Baby was wriggling, my feet were aching. I missed my MGMT experience. Note to self, in case there's ever a next time: Cross off "concert-going" from your List Of Things To Do While Pregnant unless you have a mass of bodyguards and lots of stamina.

33 weeks

Apr. 28th, 2011 10:20 pm
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33 weeks


I'm 33 weeks now, and it seems so many discomforts I thought I'd avoided have suddenly come bounding 'round the corner at me. Driving a car and sitting at work all day have become extremely uncomfortable. The ankles swell up before 8 a.m. these days, and I think I'm getting tendonitis. If it didn't eat up half of my maternity leave, I'd go out of work early. If I didn't need the money/insurance, I'd stay out of work permanently (or at least until he's old enough to go to school). I want to be the one to raise this baby (with Michael, of course). I want to be there for every one of his milestones. It hurts my heart to know most of my days will have to be spent away from him, while he gets at least an 8 hour dose of someone else's agenda. I know it's not as sordid as all that, but it will make a difference, and I resent that fact.

Baby keeps alternating positions. Sometimes he's head-down, but most of the time he lies across my belly, with head to the right and feet to the left. While relaxing in this belly hammock, he does some extreme stretching and manages to wedge his feet very far into my side. Painful! I can feel very hard, defined little feet when I press them back to a more comfortable position. Michael is weirded out by my pressing on him, and is overly concerned about the baby's comfort while in the womb. He's convinced it must be terribly awkward in there for him, and every little interruption to his blissful, fluid-suspended existence must be highly traumatic.

It's interesting to watch Michael transform into a father. I know he will be a good [albeit overprotective] one. Even though he avoids feeling the baby move (fear of interference), he talks to him a lot, telling him all about what's going on out here. Baby will definitely know Michael's voice (but may also think we live in a war zone, from all of the video game noises and Michael's occasional frustrated yelling). I don't talk to the baby as much -- I'm not really sure what to say. I tell him 'good morning' and rub my belly, but we don't have many lengthy conversations. I'll save those for later.
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Most of my pregnancy photos thus far have my head cut out of them. I'm usually not feeling super glamorous at the time they are taken (or ever), but I still want to document the evolution of the belly.

We only have one mirror in our house -- the bathroom mirror, for top half only. I very rarely catch a glimpse of my full body, unless I pass a shiny car or store window. If I want to have a look at my bottom half at home, I have to stand on the toilet and open the medicine cabinet.

(It is now obvious my mirror needs a good wipe down.)

photo 028

Blackie is even surprised at how large I've gotten.

blackie can't believe his eyes

At this point, I've gained about 28 pounds. That's the same weight as a big box of kitty litter we complain about lugging up the stairs. I now have the equivalent attached to my midsection, and I can really feel it. I'm generally a small person with a small frame and smallish bones, who's now gained a quarter of her original body weight! I'm hoping I don't gain too much more, since my feet are definitely complaining.

On Saturday, Ondrea texted me photos of two different fabric spreads for something she's planning on making for baby. She didn't say what, but whatever it is should be a really nice surprise. I have full faith in Ondrea's craftin' skillz.

This is the spread I chose. I especially love the middle fabric with the fruit. So cute!

Photo0214.jpg

easter

Apr. 25th, 2011 01:24 am
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Blackie (the cat) sometimes gets a wild hair and does random sideways jumps against the wall. We were gone all day, and once home, Charlotte dragged her knotted string over for me to wave around. The cats missed their people.

Spent most of the day at Mom's -- after sleeping in, and showers, and lunch. Tried swimming, but the water was too cold. Doesn't get warm enough for me until June, at least. Hopefully it will be okay for the baby shower mid-May. I told my friends to bring their swimsuits.

Long dinner. Aaron and Nicky joined. Left late with a dozen eggs and a new dress my mom gave me.

At Mom's:

easter

easter
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I had a flood of realization tonight while sitting on the balcony with Michael. Throughout this pregnancy, the idea of producing an actual child has been mostly an abstract concept. Yes, my belly is getting bigger. Yes, I can feel something moving. But the thought that a baby's in there, and he's real, and has little hands and feet and a face, is mind-blowing. Every time I sit and really try to imagine his birth, I get tears in my eyes. I know I will cry the day I actually get to meet him.

The weight of the task at hand is monumental. I have no idea what labor will be like. In my life, I've had horrid achy menstrual pains. I've had gut-wrenching gastric pains. I've had some sort of writhing around on the floor, am I about to die?, maybe my gut has twisted, abdominal pains. Will labor be like any of those? Some women tell horror stories. Others seem to have found it manageable. I don't know what it will be like for me, or how I will handle it. Some days, I get aches and pulls and stabs, and feel so weary, like I won't be able to deal with anything much more than these minor discomforts.

I plan on having a completely natural, drug-free birth, so the expectation of pain is actual. But I also fear being coerced into pain relief, or some other more serious intervention, while in a vulnerable state. I've been ready for a fight for so long, I hope I can maintain it for when it actually counts.
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It's official: none of my pants fit. It all happened so suddenly, as if 32 weeks signifies some point of no turning back. I've had slight ankle swelling for a few weeks now (sexy), but this morning when I woke up, my hands were swollen (sexier!) and my ring was stuck.

I'll just say I have a case of full-body swelling. It's been hot out. My Brita pitcher can't keep up with the amount of water I've been guzzling. Go, kidneys, go! (And they do...)
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Michael was awesome today. While I was at work, he cleaned the entire house. Washed the dishes, scrubbed the floors, did the laundry, changed the sheets, cleaned the litters, re-potted a plant, and even baked some cookies which were waiting on a plate when I got home. A regular house-husband.

Me? I don't do much these days. I do have the best intentions, but can never seem to get it going. I'm a bit of a laze. Take long naps every afternoon, make exaggerated groans getting in and out of chairs, etc. My moods are up and down. I rage a lot. The slightest things can make me unreasonably angry. I dress in monochrome, partly out of laziness, partly due to the fact that my wardrobe is extremely limited (and I currently lack the funds to expand it). I'm the gray sweatpants girl when at home. Michael's mom was in town a couple weeks ago and bought me two maternity tops, thankfully. My regular shirts weren't providing enough coverage, and I was having to strategically layer incrementally longer shirts over my belly band, and it was just too many clothes.

I finally came to a work pant predicament today. Apparently overnight, I ballooned, and my scrub pants, which had long been content being pushed down below my belly, suddenly weren't anymore. It was a pant python squeezing its vice grip of death around my hips and lower mid section. I had to change into a pair of stock, drawstring scrub pants of a completely different color, but they saved my day. Will have to figure out another clothing arrangement for the next month and a half before I go on maternity leave. (It's getting so close!)
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I am awake at this ungodly hour. Though I figure, since my alarm is set for 6:15, another ungodly hour, I may as well just stay up. Michael's dad came around at 4:30 to pick him up for their fishing trip at the lake, and after much stomping around and lights being turned off and on, I was fully awake. Not to mention the fact that I had to pee badly, and also eat. Sleeping distracts from being glaringly pregnant at times.

Perfect strangers are now starting to notice and make mention of my protruding abdomen. There is no doubt that it can only be one thing.

Yesterday I took a half day at work. It was glorious to come home early, go to lunch, amble about downtown, but it caught up quickly and I had to nap. Pretty much every day, I come home from work and sleep for three to four hours. I always read how the second trimester supposedly brings with it a burst of energy and comfort, but I've yet to experience it. Aside from the terrible nausea in the first trimester, I was capable of a whole lot more. Overall, I shouldn't complain, as I haven't had any of the more unsavory symptoms I've read are possible, and my baby is healthy. Sometimes it's just nice to whine.
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You'd think a simple spaghetti dish would be impossible to mess up, but I always seem to. It never turns out as flavorful as I hoped. At the very least, my stomach is full, and Michael seems satisfied. Spaghetti leftovers always taste better the next day anyway.

Three garlic cloves are sprouting on the kitchen shelf. I'm going to plant them and see how well they work out.

So tired today. When I came home from work earlier, I crawled immediately into bed and slept for 4 hours. Michael's dad is coming into town tomorrow, and there's so much I could be doing to make the house look nicer, but I just don't feel like it.
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Mmm, hot tea, anticipation of a day off mid-week, and a fully functioning personal home internet connection after over a year and a half without.... Aaaaaand, there goes a cup of hot mint chocolate milk spilled all over the sea grass rug. That will smell wonderful once the bits we weren't able to clean settle in and dry. What was I saying?

Yes, I've been considering whether to put this journal to bed forever, discontinue blogging completely (since I'm painfully out of practice, and am not sure if this type of forum "fits" anymore), or start over someplace new. I guess it all boils down to how lazy I am.

These days I'm focused on my baby boy, who's due in June. Figuring how to work less while staying financially afloat. I'm getting crunchier. My mind is filled with projects. Gardens, cooking, knitting.
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It’s summer. And hot! There are magnolias blooming, and royal poincianas, though I think they’re on the tail end of it. In April there were the yellow flowering trees — I’m not sure what they’re called.

Yesterday, we went to Leisy & Laura’s and went swimming. The pool was uncomfortably like a warm bath, and there were wasps nesting in the ladder of the pool slide, but I enjoyed the day. Too much lazy floating, and now Michael and I are both nursing sunburns.

I remember last year, end of summer, I realized I’d essentially missed it, and had been missing summer every year for awhile. This year, I want to have a real summer. Swimming, sunning, beaching, bicycling, road-tripping, relaxing.
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  • 19:29 Going mango hunting. #

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  • 12:09 Head-splitting, soul-crushing. #
  • 13:07 That third cup of coffee was too much. #
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  • 07:22 Early to work. This rarely happens. #
  • 16:47 The cat is telling me all about it. #
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twitticisms

Jun. 7th, 2010 09:01 pm
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  • 22:29 Here in the storm. #
  • 23:17 It did feel a little like D Day. #
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twitticisms

Jun. 5th, 2010 09:00 pm
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  • 00:04 Um, where did the rest of the 500 block go? #

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twitticisms

Jun. 4th, 2010 09:00 pm
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  • 21:49 Late 20s brain degeneration. #

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twitticisms

Jun. 3rd, 2010 09:00 pm
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  • 16:12 Missed a call from the detention center last night. Is there something somebody needs to tell me? #
  • 16:15 I've lived here all my life. How come I've never noticed all these magnolias before? #
  • 20:15 FAU makes it so difficult for me to go to school. #
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twitticisms

Jun. 1st, 2010 09:00 pm
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  • 16:41 Seriously? Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office Graffiti Unit. #

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